Goli No: 24...... Bhandya's marriage .......

Year 2000 ...... Bhandya announced that he is getting married...... Cards were getting printed ..... Bhandya lower middle class maharashtrian boy from lalbaug ...... 200 cards were being printed ... limited invitations..... suddenly pakya commented ....... Arrey... zindagi mein ek baar shadi hota hein ...... dil khol ke sab ko bula ..... Bhandya retorted..... that he wanted to invite the whole world ..... but for Baapu his father ......

Pillai commented...... Arrey aadmi hoja .... kitney din baap se darega .. Teri shaadi hein na .... Bhandya went out with pakya ...... and gave orders for some 3000 cards .... A huge list was drawn out ..... including every body from bhandya's childhood days ........ to all his train friends .... Bhandya had compartment friends ..... train friends ..... and also platform friends ..... Infact pillai suggested why don't you print a handbill .........

Bhandya and pakya negotiated hard with the printer ....... and got a loose handbill kind of invitation card ....... and the invites reached 5000 people .... I gave bhandya a months leave ..... bhandya would go from morning to evening ...... from parel to kasara....... churchgate to bhayander ...... and V.T to Panvel ...... and distributed the so called ...... invitation card ...... to any body he was remotely connected with .......


On the D-day ...... I with pillai .... dhandapani ...... banerjee and others from the office ...... reached the venue ...... the hall looked very small ....... Could hardly accomodate not more than 200 people ..... The wedding ritual was on ...... bhandya looked happy and cheerful ....... Bhandyas father looked tense ...... he was scanning the crowd ....... with every passing second the crowd seemed to swell ........

Pillai took me outside ....... I saw a huge crowd of more than a thousand people standing outside the gate...... on the ground..... outside the hall ...... also on the footpath..... Bhandya's father came out and was scanning the crowd on the ground ....... with suspiscion written all over his face ....... his eyebrows narrowed and with a wet forehead ....... he asked pillai ..... yeh log kaun hein ..... Pillai muttered ..... Tumhara shaadi ka mehman ...... Bhandyas fathered screamed with anger .... aaila ...... amhi tar phakta don shey lokana bulaya ....... pillai muttered.... May be mulgi kadche......

Bhandya's father called bride's father........ Aabha..... ha kai gondhal ahey ....... ha tumcha gondhal nahin na ....... Aabha looked at the crowd ........ hey kay lagna chey pahuney ........ Pillai muttered naheen ........ RTO chi gardi ahey ...... Bhandyas father and Aabha realised gravity of the situation took up strategic possitions on both sides of the entrance and closed the collapsable gates ....... Seing the gate being closed ..... the crowd surged towards the entrance ..... and barged in .....

Bhandyas father and Aabha started quarelling over who invited so many guests ...... And the culprit bhandya was ignorant of all these happenings ......... The marriage ritual got over and it was lunch time ...... Food was prepared for some 300 guest ....... buffet style ...... the caterer demanded ...... extra money ...... he said you paid me for 300 people and want me to serve me over 1000 ....... any way ...... i won't be able to prepare food for so many people at such a short notice .......

I .... pillai ..... bhandya's father ...... with the Caterer entered the dinning hall ...... there was a huge commotion ..... people were pushing and struggling with each other to get plates ...... and to get near the food counters ...... Bhandya's father requested Caterer for help ......... Caterer said first pay .... Some how bhandya's father and Aabha argued ..... negotiated ..... and paid Caterer for 100 more plates ...... espescially close relatives ......

In all this commotion bhandya in his wedding finery ..... was smiling ...... happily looking at the crowd fighting with each other ...... told pakya ...... Dekh sabka record break kiya na ..... and infact was heard telling some of the battered guests ..... Nakki .... jayhoon jaicha .......

Goli No: 23 ..... Banerjee gets even with bhandya ...

.........year 1999..........financial services office in fort Mumbai .......... market was bad ..... cash flows were tight ................ banerjee .......... dandapani ....... others were struggling to close deals ............ bhandya our office man ........ went to some tantric baba in mumbra ....... he gave him some stone rings ............. some mantars................... some pothis to read.................morning nine o clock bhandya would decorate the gods in our office with kunku ...... chandan ............. diyas........huge ghanta (temple bell).................. ignite two packets of agarbathis some hundreds of them ................... in a air conditioned ............ small office with no windows ...........



he would start his day with pooja and mantars .............aik satyanarayanachi katha cd............ loud and strong ............... clinging of bells ........... lighting of lamps ........... the smoke from the 100 agarbathis .............would enclose the entire room in a fog .............. and banerjee in tie and blazer would be sitting............with coffee and economic times .................... amidst the fog .......... mantras ............... bells ........ shlokas ............. with red eyes ........... not knowing whether......



.................he was sitting in a corporate finance office or a mythological movie set or lalbaug..............he would say benkat bhat is all this....???? ... bill i go to office in tiger skin instead of brazer.......carry trishul instead of laptop..........tie a snake around my neck instead of tie......like shibha ...... bhandya will correct him.......arrey go nahin come......brazier nahin blazer........shibha nahin re shiva ......... adhi english tar barobar bol lotha mangeshkar...... nantar mera chugli kar......... mya shaaph dilla tar.............. Melya ek bhi deal honaar nahin ............... banerjee would go weak on his legs .................... he would beg bhandya not to give shaaph ................. this used to be the routine.............




............. Meanwhile, bhandya also got into a major bhaandan with bhaiyaas family staying near our office .............. they used to distribute news papers and magazines around fort and kala ghoda area .......... and one of them Achey Lal used to sleep with a chaadar wrapped all over his body just outside our office .... like a dead body till late noon ............... bhandya never liked this and often got into panga with the Achey Lal .............



and one day as I entered the office in the morning I saw achey lals body totally wrapped in chaadar with kum kum ...... garland ....... few flowers on his body ........ agarbathis lit on a banana ..... i presumed that achey lal was dead............ i informed bhandya about the body.............. bhandya rushed out .............by now there was a mob collected around the body..................Achey lals wife brothers and friends had gathered...........the ladies started crying ...... bhandya offered his pooja flowers and garlands to his relatives to put it on the body............... i was surprised as all our office members participated in the mourning........... somebody was missing ...... banerjee stood at a distance ..... watching all this .......

suddenly as one of the relatives tried to put the garland ................the body moved..............Achey lal removed the bedsheet from his face ........... got up in a sitting posture ............. was shocked to see .............. so many people gathered around him and crying ................then he saw the garland.... flowers..... kum kum...... agarbattis.............

he screamed ......ee.. kaa ho raha hein ........ kono mar- mara gaya kaa....... ee kiski mati mari gayi ........... his mehraru(wife) screamed and fell unconscious.............his brother chhuttan shouted........ee kaa nautinki laga rakkha hai ............. eeh toh bhandya ki karamat hein ....... every bhaiyaa stared at bhandya..............before we could realise ...... they started hitting bhandya ......... with hands, fists and poles ...... some of them even kicked him ....... bhandya was overpowered that day ..... he didn't realise ....... how this happened to him .....

Some how banerjee rescued bhandya....... from the bhaiyya's ...... infact told them ......... you don't waste your energey ....... i will take care of him ....... Yeh aisa hi C##$ya hain.... laton ke bhoot baton se nahin mantey ........


he also tightly hugged bhandya and muttered something in his ears .......... don't worry I will take care ...... bhandya had no pariyay ........ meanwhile banerjee .............. took over bhandya from the crowd......... caught him by collar ...... abused b@$## ..... M*$#### ....... Ch%$# ......... slapped him loudly ....... kana khali ........ punched him on his nose ........ banged him against the wall ........ at the same time tightly hugged him and muttered in bhandya 's ears ....... don't worry i am rescueing you ..... Some how bhandya was confused whether banerjee was rescueing him or hitting him..................

After all the hitting and abuses ....... banerjee brought bhandya into the office ........ aur ek kana kali bhajaya ....... and then offered him some ice ..bandage and pain killers ........ and said ..... bhandya kaise bachaya ......... bhandya ' s face had by now turned black and blue ........ he muttered ........ B$$$%% ..bachaya ..... ya bajaya .... iskey badley ....... toh tyaanach maarney deta .......and then bhandya screamed arrey kaun melya ne mera haar aur agarbattiii acchey lal var pheka ta ..........

Everybody looked at banerjee ........ and banerjee smiled cunningly ........

Goli No 22.... P.K in potty

.....year 1999 i was running a.......financial services business .......... specializing in corporate finance ........ we needed a telephone land line (Pre mobile boom) ......... and because of some technical issues in documentation ..... we were not getting MTNL lines........bandyaa our office man did some jugaad with line man and got us a new land line connection ......... we still had not printed this new line No on our business cards ........... no outsider knew about this no ........ and the phone rang ............




Pillai picked up the line........ on the other end some body asked ......... can i speak to P.K ........... pillai was not sure what to say..........he muttered P.K sundaaz mein hein...........we were stunned ...... and then a roaring laughter ........ entire office was laughing ........... in five minutes the phone rang again asking for P.K ........ this time pillai said decently ...... he is in the bath room .......... the caller most probably said five minutes back also ........ pillai replied haan haan bahar aahaya tha phir se aandar gaya hai........pet thik nahin hain ............

every time the phone rang it used to be P.K hai.........my colleagues used to run to the phone and scream ........... P.K sundaaz mein........julaab ho raha hai........ sometimes in english ....... he is suffering from dysentery ...........based on who picked up the phone if it was bandyaaa........ it used to be crude hindi or marathi descriptions.......if it was pillai or banerjeee...... it used to be more refined in english.............one day pillai came with a new line...... he is got severe shoulder pain phone utha nahin sakta ........... he further explained ...... sabhere sein se doso bar andhar gaya hai.......... balthi utha utha kar ......khanda dukh raha hai.......... balm laga kar letha hai ............


every body used to laugh with these new lines.......one day dhanda pani came with this finance line when the phone rang.............. P.K bank gaya hai ............... deposit karne ko .............. cash flow accha hai........ baar baar jaa raha hai ......... P.K calls kept the office amused in a bad finance market ......... some of our managers removed their market frustrations ............ on P.K calls to the fullest.............

the callers used to be .......... dealers ....... vendors ......... bankers ............. media ........... P.K seemed to be some important person in some big company........ this number was his direct line ...........we never bothered to find out who he was.........our conversations was restricted to his sundaaz.........



........and one day the phone rang..............i picked it up and as usual muttered ......... P.K is in the loo...........the person at the other end ............said ba...*#@..... iam P.K.............the dysentery man of Mumbai .......... iam no more P.K ....... you people have given me a new name............. sundaaz wala ........potty man .............. told the whole world ......... that iam a leaking pot ....... he said every body from his employees.......dealers........vendors.......have been asking him about his stomach and motion problems ......... he briefly introduced himself.....

......... we had tarnished his image ............ and he is going to sue us......... unless ......... i banged the phone called bandyaa.........disconnected the jugaad line......... felt ashamed for having allowed this in our office ........ the whole office was silent now with guilt and fear....... till one day banerjee showed all of us a business magazine.........with P.K on its cover...........C.E.O of............

Goli No: 21 ..... Khandvi ... Dhokla .... aur fafda

............. Early 2009...............vadapav became political issue ............ lehman bros ............. ramlinga raju.... subiksha ................ international financial crisis ............. lots of confusion ........ business stress ..... my wifeys health got affected ................... admitted her in to hinduja hospital in critical condition ......... three days later wifey started recuperating ............. i saw a new patient getting admitted in the next room .............. accident case ....... was hit by a speeding bike .....

couldnt see his face.......... his face was totally bandaged ...........was on a wheel chair pushed by his wife............within a few minutes of his admission his wife savitha dressed in jeans and tees came to our room ....... introduced herself..............she was in early thirties with two young kids ......... her husband was into trading business...........they were gujjus from borivili............she said he was in critical condition but he his now out of danger.............

hinduja hospital gives only one visitors pass per patient........she wanted my pass for her visitors ................. but the hospital rules didn't permit this....................security was very strict .............. since, i couldnt say no ........ I gave her my pass........... within the next .........few hours i heard lots of noises from the corrider and neighbouring room .......... suddenly the security manager came to our room and asked for my pass...........i told him the truth and took him to the next room..............

we were shocked to see the sight ............. savitha ben's husbands face was totally covered with bandages except for .... nostrils ...... one swollen red eye and mouth...........with one hand in plaster ......one plastered leg tied up hanging ......... white hospital pyajamas and shirt ................ looked like a egyptian mummy............ he was sorrounded by ten to twelve visitors in the room ............... all smuggled illegally by savitha ben tru various visitors passes ......

......we sniffed the air it didnt smell hospital........it smelt like mulund farsan mart..........my nostrils were hit by the aroma of dhoklas ......... .... theplas ......... khandvis............. the security managers jaw dropped as he saw middle aged gujju bens with over grown mammary glands and grand never ending posteriors ..... munching khandvi ..... theplas ....... dhoklas ......... jalebis .......... fafdas....... sitting around the egyptian mummy .....as if they were on picnic to egypt ............. some men ran helter skelter .................. the security personnel confiscated their passes ........... we found my pass with a jignesh hiding in the staff bathroom in the corridor.................... the security person took us to the main security mgr complained about savitha ben and her gujju gang ................ took down their names ........... warned me and others not to lend our passes.................

as i came out of the hospital ........ after the commotion for fresh air............... i was looking at the beautifull sunset behind the bandra worli sea link just outside the hospital gate..................... my nose suddenly sniffed kakras and dhoklas ............... i saw a huge gujju gang in a toyota innova near the gate............ eating khakras ................. and my god it was savitha ben and her relatives ................. before i could escape savitha bens eyes fell on me ................ she screamed from the innova venky bhai sorry............... khakra khao.........sub bool jao...............